OODLES O' NOODLES BABIES- By Pierre Pinson

"I used to act up when I went to school thought it was cool, but really was hurt. Wanted my

family to come to my games, mom couldn't make it 'cause she was at work." -Meek Mill,

"Oodles O' Noodles Babies"

The chow hall was serving pork for dinner. I decided to crush up two lacks of Oodles O'

Noodles and pour them into my bowl. In prison many of my epiphanies have manifested

themselves in the form of complaints, "I'm tired of eating noodles. I can't wait until I doing

have to eat Ramen Noodles anymore." The truth of the matter is that I had been eating

noodles since I was a kid. With pops missing in action and mom at work I had learned to

make noodles —as did all the other children. in my neighborhood. It struck me suddenly,

Noodles were one of my first lessons in independence; a lesson that ultimately prepared me for the cycle of abandonment that I was going to experience.

All of those years of "hooking up noodles" had conditioned me for the abandonment I would endure as a prisoner. Abandonment is one of the most prevalent traumas a prisoner will experience. Some people can't do prison, other people don't, and most people just won't keep in contact. When we fall the circle gets small until it’s a very lonely dot.

Many of us who are doing time have done time in juvenile facilities and have experienced the turmoil of saying for mail, visits, and phone calls. Many of us were pushed through court without any family or friends there for support —we were left to let the system deal with us.

Packs of noodles are a reminder that even the most trivial lessons are essential for survival. As kids there were certain places we were taught that we didn't want to go; those places were prison, hell, and insane (not necessarily in that order. Let me tell you prions is hell and insanity—a place you don't want to be. From the moment Black boys are born, we face death and insanity—broken hearts are the least of our worries. But they still occur.

When we find ourselves in these places with hearts torn we usually stuff those feelings down deep so that we do not have to deal with them. The funny thing about sweeping things under the rug is that a pike eventually grows until it causes us to "trip." We find ourselves angry with those who we feel abandoned us and we cut them off in attempt to amputate that feeling. Cutting off becomes the reaction to anything that threatens to hurt us. In fact, when new people enter our lives we don't expect them to be around for long.

We know the routine: Father abandons mother. Their baby boy has a game and mom can't

make it. "Mommy has to work, baby." Mom has a legitimate excuse, right? Legitimate excuses are I my legitimate to adults. Children are constantly learning to navigate the world with the primary thing at the center of that process being the parents. We know because men in prison have tried to explain their incarceration to children in a million different ways and although these explanations seem legitimate the child still feels, "If you loved me you would be here." They feel abandoned.

Baby boy was taught that men don't talk about his they feel so he begins his own pile under his own rug. He hides his disappointments, his feelings of abandonment and he vows to protect his little brother from the same pain. He will always be there for him, always take care of him. Taking care of his brother makes him feel like an adult which makes him need to provide for his family. He turns to the streets. The perfect place to "trip." He is arrested and carted off to prison. One day he realizes that he has abandoned his brother. Little NIR is left alone to cook his own noodles (his brother taught him how to cook the with hit sauce and cheese).

One day little bro will have a child of his own and that child will find itself at

home, or somewhere alone eating noodles. Just thinking of the cycle makes me feel like a

noodle. We have abandonment issues. We know what happens to abandoned buildings... They belong to the neighbourhood until they are used up, destroyed, or the city locks them up ——Does any of this sound familiar?

"Lots of daddies going back and forth outta jail, lots of sons growing up and repeating 'em.This the belly of the beast you won't make it out, man shit was designed just to eat us up."

- Meek Mill, Oodles O' Noodles Babies

I've heard it said that absence is the worst form of abuse because even if the parent is there and being physically abusive, at least the child can confuse that abuse for love. I can't say I believe that but I know that you can't feel love that is not there. How many of is are man enough to end the cycle of abandonment?